In the mythical land of San Jose, 12 noble Wi-Fi professionals fight for control of the RF airtime. Technical and marketing intrigue is pervasive. Stephen Foskett, King of Field Days, asks his old friend Tom Hollingsworth to serve as Hand of the King and supervise the assembled Wi-Fi lords. Secretly warned that the previous Hand was assassinated by an out of control wireless drone, Tom accepts in order to investigate further. Meanwhile, Jennifer Huber, the Queen of Wireless Field Days, may be hatching a plot to distribute more I heart Wi-Fi buttons at the event. Across the sea, Peter Paul Engelen, has been scheming to be invited once again to Wireless Field Day and has finally succeeded! He believes that cunningly distributing stroopwafels to attendees will make him one of the favored attendees in the eyes of the King.
Lee Badman has been running in circles to outwit the Hand’s investigations, by having top secret meetings with the black mages called ‘Mark-et-ers’ about new product releases so he can stay as one of the top story tellers of the Wireless Field Days. He runs the orange kingdom in the cold north, which enables him to wield much power for the King and sends regular messages through his blog to his fanatical followers. To the south, Sam Clements attempts to match Lee’s power through the use of the ‘Bour-bon’ which is a magical potion that makes its users drunk with power enough to sit through two hour podcasts. He entrances his victims with a special magical Whiskey and Wireless podcast that encourages the imbibing of the Bour-bon to fully participate and gain the secret information that high level Wi-Fi wizards possess. The coming together of these two powerful lords of Wi-Fi has been a must seen event ever since the King began showing their powers at his Wireless Field Days and has left many a ‘Mark-et-er’ quaking in their boots.
In a remote cold northern location, close to the great Canadian wall, Blake Krone plots the downfall of the other lords by seeking to prove that he knows the mysterious methods of the ‘Eka-hau’ weapon better than anyone else. He has wielded this weapon to fight the beast known as the Cisco and tame its many minions throughout the land. These minions are tricky white beasts that hide in buildings and radiate their power to many in the land. Little does he know, that another, smaller beast is also on the prowl called the Aruba which has co-opted many of the Cisco’s dark places in its fight for RF supremacy. This could challenge Blake’s plan and eventually lead to his downfall, if he doesn’t gain understanding of the Aruba as well. Blake has found favor with the Queen of Wireless Field Days and can be often seen laughing and joking with her during parties at the San Jose Palace of the Double Tree.
The Wi-Fi lord Keith Parsons has been studying the RF magic for much longer than many of the other Wi-Fi wizards and has come to the realization that the battle is not won by fighting the white minions, but by fighting to make sure that the white minions are properly placed to co-operate with each other. He tells all that will listen that Wi-Fi should be free and fast, though he often adds ‘easy’ to the spell to enhance it’s potency. Acting against him are the black mages who use easy spells such as the ‘one AP per classroom’ spell to spread bad white minion placement. If only the other Wi-Fi lords would turn from their own interests and support him in his desire to ban the dragon known as the captive portal, then he would be well on his way to making the world a better place. There are many ‘Mark-et-er’ mages who believe in the power of monetizing through using the captive portal and they hold other wizards in their thrall! Keith, however sees the evil of monetization and fights with Lee to stop it’s spread.
Meanwhile, Jake Snyder has been quietly working on his own plan for RF magic supremacy through the use of his weapon the ‘Pine-apple’. This weapon is so powerful, it’s enabled him to gain secret entry into many other lords WLAN domains without detection and gain much information about their magical intrigues that he can reveal when the time is right to devastating effect. It has already enabled him to win many followers throughout the land who secretly support him, even though they live in other lord’s lands. Jake has also spent countless hours using a device called a ‘3D-Prin-ter’ to create weapons for other Wi-Fi lords. As these weapons help the lords to tame the white minions, he is seen as one of the main weapons suppliers throughout the land. Indeed many a Wi-Fi battle throughout the land has been won by his use of this dark device.
Finally, there is myself, Chris Lyttle, the narrator of this tale, who goes with the other lords to battle the Wi-Fi beasts in their lairs. I use the power of the ‘Kiwi Haka’ to do battle, although many times the other lords cannot understand the words when I use my battlecry to ask tough questions at the Wireless Field Days. I seek to bring security to the Wi-Fi magic of the land and foil those who would use the Wi-Fi magic for evil purposes.
Tune in as all the lords meet in the battle to control RF airtime at Wireless Field Day 8 San Jose on September 30th to October 2nd. We’ll be confronting the daemon ‘Mark-et-ers’ in the lairs of Aruba Networks, Cisco, Cradlepoint and Zebra!
Apologies to those attending that I didn’t write stories for, hopefully I’ll get to know you there well enough to write about you in the future